Anxiety and Abuse

Not many people are aware of this, but last year I found myself in a mentally abusive relationship. Healthy Place defines mental abuse as “any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.” This can occur in so many different ways; and my relationship wasn’t anywhere near as bad as what most have experienced, will experience, or are experiencing. I know I certainly didn’t treat the other person properly either, nor do I believe that he had realised that what he was doing was abusive, but there were things that should’ve been glaringly obvious to him to just not do. That relationship taught me so much about abuse, myself, relationships, and others.

Perhaps the most important things I learned were how anxiety disorders can make it difficult to see the signs of abuse and how they can be used by abusers. I’ve been battling in my mind as to whether I wanted to write this post for nearly a year, and now I finally feel ready.

How anxiety can blind you to abuse:

  • Most people with anxiety are already aware that they tend to imagine the worst meanings and intentions behind people’s words and actions.

This can make incredibly difficult to sort through the imagined red flags and real red flags. I was fully aware of some things that made me uncomfortable during that relationship. Sometimes though, I thought back on some things and realised that what was said or done was different than the negative thing I had heard in the first place. But there were also times I couldn’t tell if what was said or done was negative or not.

  • Anxiety can tell you that you’re overreacting.

This was a huge issue for me. Not everyone’s red flags are the same, and I thought that because something wasn’t an issue to a friend of mine, it shouldn’t be an issue to me. Obviously, that conclusion was the exact opposite from the truth.

One of the things that I thought I was overreacting about was that this person had said that he would support me in my creative endeavours and he wanted to read my work. He said this time and time again. So when he was over for the evening one day, I asked him to read a scene that I had written earlier that day and was incredible proud of but very nervous about. Without pause, he looked at me and said, “I don’t want to.” Not “In a little bit,” “Maybe later,” or any sort of explanation. And it was pretty clear to me that he meant what he said. He just didn’t want to read my work.

This tore me apart. But I convinced myself (against the advice of others) that I was making a big deal out of it, and that he didn’t mean it how it sounded. But in that moment and reflecting on those things after the relationship ended, I knew he did.

There were many other things that happened that I told myself weren’t big deals, that really are, but I’ll actually mention one of those things in the section about abusers.

  • The irrational fear of never finding anyone else who could ever be interested in you can make you feel trapped in the relationship.

He never said anything like, “Without me, you’ll be alone forever,” or anything with a connotation anywhere close to that. But I told myself that that would be the case. I was still recovering from a really bad mental breakdown that had occurred the previous fall and was still recovering from my first failed relationship that had dwindled away just a couple months prior. These two circumstances combined to make me feel as though I was a pretty worthless human being, and even after I started naming those red flags as what they were, I convinced myself that I would never find anyone else. Thankfully not too much longer, the relationship “ended” and I began the journey of regaining hope and recovery.

How abusers can use your anxiety against you:

  • Even without saying it, abusers can make you feel as though they are the only person that will ever “love” you.

This goes hand-in-hand with the last point I made. This guy never outright said this. But as time went on, I realised that I didn’t feel desirable unless he was there because he would talk about how much he liked to hold me and how pretty I was, and I noticed wasn’t really receiving any compliments on my appearance from anyone else at the time. I also realised that I would sometimes tell him stories from my past or from work in which a guy had flirted with me (or even asked me out), and he would usually suggest that the guy was intending everything to be platonic. Without actually saying it, he had insinuated that I wasn’t desirable to others.

  • They can gain your trust and then target your insecurities and triggers.

This was a really big thing for me, and is now something I am very aware of. This guy had charmed me and gained my trust very quickly, and early on, I realised that he liked to push limits on things. He even told me that he liked trying to “push people’s buttons.” We had a conversation about it, and I essentially said that there were certain things I did not want him trying to push limits on, and he agreed to that. However, we ended up having multiple conversations about those exact things and his pushing my limits.
Some of these things were my insecurities about my appearance and personality, but the thing that made me really start questioning the health of our relationship actually happened on our last date.

That day, we had actually had a conversation about my PTSD from car accidents and how, sometimes when he was driving, I felt like my PTSD was being triggered because of his driving. He changed how he was driving for most of that evening. However, after turning onto a street on the way to my apartment, he decided that he would continue speeding up and swerving slightly until I reacted. I thought that he was just being weird and speeding up quickly and that he would stop once he reached the speed limit. But he kept going and going.

I was on the verge of a panic attack when I finally half-yelled “What are you doing??”

His only response: “Seeing how long it would take you to say something.”

Even after that, a large part of me wanted to stay with him, and I tried to make it work. But that brings me to another point.

  • You might be the one always contacting them.

I didn’t realise this was a case until I saw a Tumblr post about a similar situation. I continually found myself clearing my schedule for him whenever he wanted to spend time with me, but he wouldn’t do the same for me. But the last few weeks of our relationship, he barely spoke to me. That last date seemed wonderful (aside from the attempt to trigger my PTSD), and he actually asked to meet up over the weekend so that we could define our relationship. I was torn between entering an “official” relationship with him, and ending it. He said he would make sure he was free at whatever time would work best for me, said goodbye, and left. But when I sent him the times I had available, he told me that none of those times would work. So I asked when he would be free and (as always) I would clear my schedule for him. But he never let me know. In fact, he slowly stopped talking to me in general over the next two weeks.

Then I was scrolling through Tumblr one day and saw a post about a woman whose boyfriend wasn’t really talking to her much and who never messaged her first. The woman had been advised to not call or message the guy for three days to see if he would respond. She asked what to do if he didn’t, if she was could contact him then. The girl she was talking to said no, that the guy was getting off on the woman’s need for him, and that if the he didn’t try to communicate, he didn’t really want her, let alone realise that he was losing her.

I took that piece of advice, and I didn’t message the guy I was dating for three days. Then three days turned into three weeks, three months. Now I haven’t spoken to him since April 23, 2016.

That relationship screwed me up, and I’m sad that I experienced it. But I’m so glad at the same time because I learned so much from it.


I really hope that none of you ever experience such a relationship, let alone one worse.

But there is always hope.
If you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship, know that it isn’t your fault and that you can get out, even if you need help doing so.

Here are some resources for abuse victims or friends of abuse victims who want to help:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Help Guide
5 Ways to Escape an Abusive Relationship
Help a Friend
5 Signs of Emotional Abuse

Pursue

Technically I’ve already written about yearly goals. But this isn’t just about the resolutions and goals I have for this year. It’s about the resolutions and goals I have for my entire life and what I’m doing now to work towards them. It’s about pursuing my dreams and thriving in every moment along the way, hence my word for the year: Pursue.

I tend to over-plan and set too high of expectations for myself, especially in my creative efforts. Considering how I’ve done the last several years in achieving the goals I’ve set, I don’t have a chance of coming close this year.

But I’m doing things differently.

Not only am I setting goals, but I’m also planning everything out in detail—scheduling my writing, editing, posting, and sharing; creating rewards for my accomplishments and punishments for my failures; and finding people to hold me accountable, inspire me, tell me off, and rant with.

If you aren’t already aware, I have five major writing goals for the year:

  1. Post at least one blog a week.
  2. Finish the rough draft of my first novel by the end of June.
  3. Write, edit, and post at least one video a week.
  4. Write at least one poem a week.
  5. Write at least four short stories this year.

I know there will be times I exceed these goals, and I also know there will be times that I fail gloriously. But the point is to keep creating, no matter my mood or lack of belief in myself because these are my dreams. And I will not let myself give up the things I love because of my own self-doubt.

I’m also working towards doing yoga and other forms of exercise more regularly, eating healthier, saving up money (which is difficult when I might not have a job after next week), and taking time to relax. Doing all of this and trying to achieve my creative goals may be awful on occasion, and I’ll definitely want to give up sometimes. But I won’t. I won’t be happy if I do. Goodness, I’ve already fallen a bit behind. Even so, I will not stop trying to accomplish these dreams. I will work to catch up when possible, and I will continue turning to people who can keep me accountable.

I did the cliche thing and started most of my goals at the start of the year, even though doing so is rather arbitrary, because it feels easier and somehow more inspiring. Also, it’s just loads easier to track my progress when I start a goal at the beginning of a year instead of the middle of a random month.

Anyways. Whatever goals you set for yourself at the beginning of 2017, I truly hope that you are able to meet them. In this third week of the year, when motivation and inspiration start to fade and you start thinking about giving up on those goals, know that they and your dreams are attainable. Don’t give up on yourself. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your goals or terrified of what others’ opinion may be, think of how you’ll feel if you give up and then think of how you’ll feel if you push through and achieve those dreams. Because very few things feel as good as meeting goals that you once felt were impossible. And, love, you can do it.

What are some of your goals for the year? Let me know in the comments!

What Do You Do?

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
The twists, the turns, the lifts, the dives.
It all comes at different speeds,
at different levels, at different needs.
Once you think you’ve caught your breath,
you’re off again.
A completely new adventure.
Sometimes the water fills your lungs—
your world turns dark.
At others, your eyes are so full of colour
that it starts to leak through your tears,
your pores,
your fingers.
You struggle to release it,
either because the expression is difficult
or because there’s too much to share.
But what do you do when it’s both?
The veil pulled down,
and the colours revealed?
You dance,
filling the air with bursts of colours and smooth lines of grey.
You paint,
overflowing the canvas with black and blue and shades of the day.
You sing,
pouring rivers of red and purple into our ears.
You love,
pouring out the melange of pink and green, yellow and orange, brown and turquoise that’s consumed you through the years.

You be.
You be you.
You be who you long to be.
You be the people you look up to.
You be you in your greatest dreams.

You
be
you.

And breathe.

Setting Goals

I think everyone knows the struggle of setting goals. Whether it be writing, exercise, reading, creating, or monetary goals, we can’t seem to stop ourselves from creating giant mile markers in our lives. We usually set the goals when we’re feeling on top of everything and ready to tackle the world, but we don’t often take into account that once that motivation starts to fade, the things we’re enjoying and planning to accomplish tend to become the same things that stress us out to no end and are put on the back burner because life just gets in the way.

My writing goals for 2016 are a great example.

Goals Accomplishments
Screenplay(s) for Eragon

(because everyone knows it needs to be redone)

It hasn’t even been started.

…but I did reread the book.

Novel It has been started, but it is only at 4187 words out of a minimum goal of 65000.
Ten short stories Three shorts stories were plotted, but none were finished.
Twenty poems Eight poems were written.
YouTube scripts (one a week) Only about ten YouTube videos were written, and only five recorded.
Blogs (two a week) Well, this went well for a few months, and then everything went awry, and I’m just starting back up (yet again) with a goal of one post a week.

Originally my goal was to finish my novel and the screenplay by June on top of half of the other goals as well. What I didn’t account for was my motivation or stress levels. I quickly encountered problems with that blog of mine disappearing, trying to balance part-time fast food work and a few full-time level freelance gigs, trying to find new roommates, looking for steady work, and traveling.

The thing is, though, that if I had taken a few things into account and simply structured my goals and my schedule better, I could have easily accomplished these goals.

  • Set aside specific days to work on specific projects.

I’m far more likely to work on them and reach my goals, even if I’m still not very good at sticking to it. I’ve been trying to write blog posts on Thursdays so that I can have them ready to post on Mondays. Although I’ve been awful at it for the last few months, when I push myself to do it, I can easily whip out a blog and put it up on the editing page that Azelyn and I use.

Now this technique looks different for writing my novel and all my other projects. Starting in January, I’ll be aiming to write a minimum of 2700 words a week for six months. I’ll be trying to split that throughout the week, but I will be setting aside the most time on Sundays and Fridays to work towards this goal. I’ll be planning like this for my other goals as well.

Here’s what my average weekly writing schedule now looks like:

SONY DSC

Now this might seem excessive (it certainly does to me), but if I routinely follow this schedule and manage my time, it should be relatively easy to follow. I’ll definitely be allowing myself to work ahead on any/all project if and when I like, and I’m quite excited to do so.

  • Set smaller goals at different increments that will help you reach your larger goal.

As you can see in my planning chart above, I’ve come up with specific goals for each week, and even each day. Obviously, nearly every day has overlap, but I vary the degree of difficulty/time commitment from day to day. But the most important factor is that I have a minimum goal for every week.

I’ve found that having weekly goals helps me most, but some people prefer daily, monthly, or quarterly goals. Having the weekly goals, but a daily plan gives me some leeway on what I should/could accomplish in a given day. I’m already aware that there will be days or weeks that I cannot finish the tasks I’ve marked. My schedule and the goal to work slightly ahead will help when those times arrive.

  • Work ahead when possible.

I know this is something I tend to hate thinking about, just like many of my friends do. But sticking to a schedule and getting ahead of the original plans can not only help reduce stress in the future, but it can also help your creativity become an integral part of who you are and get you in the habit of working on your projects, even when you don’t feel like it.

  • Find someone to help keep you accountable.

This can occur in so many different ways. I’ve tried several systems, and each has worked in its own time. Currently I use a combination of a couple accountability techniques: inquiring, nagging, and punishing.

Azelyn and I already talk on a daily (or as close as we can get) basis. However, amidst our regular conversations and fangirling, we still constantly ask each other how our projects are coming along. Largely, this is just because we’re curious, nosy, and each other’s number one fan. But also, we do it to ensure we’re actually being productive. The nagging is very rarely towards Azelyn, and it’s usually just about getting her post on our editing page earlier so I don’t have to edit it super early on Sunday morning. It’s a whole other matter for me. Azelyn is constantly nagging me about any and every project I’ve set before myself because I am the queen of procrastination…which is one of the reasons we’ve added punishments to our accountability. Right now, this is specifically meant for our blog posts, but once the new year hits, it will also include my videos and my novel word count. We’re still working out how those punishments will work out; but for the blog, every day that I fail to write a blog post past its deadline, I owe her a dollar. (Right now that’s up to $13. *oops*)

  • Reward yourself for reaching your goals.

Now I have no idea how I’ll do that this coming year yet, but I have a few ideas in mind, given that I have the money. This could be as little as eating a cookie when you reach your weekly word goal or as big as taking a vacation when you finish your novel. But whatever it is, don’t make the goals too small and the rewards too big. Make sure you actually have to work in order to be rewarded; then the victory will taste even sweeter.

What are some techniques you use to help set your writing (or life) goals?
What are some of your favourite reward systems for reaching your goals?
Let me know in the comments!

White Colours

The golden hues and raging reds
fill the skies before they’re dead.
A vast blank page left laying out
for everyone to see in doubt.
When light seems bright but life seems gone,
remember to look at the dawn,
where the hidden growth shines deep below the snow,
and the brown and orange give way to hope.
Just look and see the somber joy give way to happy sadness
as a new time begins and we all raise our glasses.
Take the time to see the glory of it all,
with your eyes half-masked by the cold’s call,
because the journey’s just begun,
as the silver bells are rung.
And as green takes the place of gold,
remember what you were told:
Be merry and bright.
For the time is right
for you to grow
and to let what has been hidden show.
As the whites and deep greens fade to kaleidoscopic hues,
make sure you’re the one to choose
what you’ll be and who you are.
Because you’ve already come so, so far.

Anxiety and Job Searching

Last name. First name. Address. Phone number. Why did you leave your last place of employment? What experience do you have? Why do you want to work here? Where do you see yourself in five years?

These questions are only a few that are permanently seared into my brain from the endless hours of applications that I always seem to be filling out. I recently started a part-time seasonal position. I love the job so far, even with being completely exhausted at the end of my shifts, being hit on by complete strangers, and awkwardly trying to talk friends into buying things when I used to be the one talking them out of their impulse buys. But because it is a seasonal position, I still need to find another position to start come January.

The majority of looking for work is just mind-numbing monotony, but it becomes a whole different thing when you add a mental illness to the mix. Having anxiety disorders can make submitting the applications and resumes, making follow-up phone calls, and being interviewed nearly impossible.

Because of facing the seemingly impossible time and time again, I’ve started noticing patterns in my application processes and anxiety levels.

The constant uncertainty of applying and interviewing in exhausting and worrying as it is. But when an anxiety disorder is added to the mix, the nervousness becomes a toxic fear. You constantly worry if you put down the correct information. You wonder if you smiled enough during your interview. You dwell on how well you shook the interviewer’s hand and if you should have done it differently. You think about whether you called too soon or too late to check on an application. You are terrified at the thought of going into an interview and forgetting the answers to basic questions. You overthink the pre-interview exams, wondering if you had typed just three more words if you would get the job. You obsess about whether your outfit was too colorful, too dull, or too casual for the interview.

But these aren’t things you can control or change.

However, these are some of the tips I’ve gathered for myself as I’ve looked for jobs over the last few years. I hope they can be of some help.

Searching for jobs to apply to:

Start specific and move towards generalized positions.
If you start with specific positions that you believe you will love, you may just get a dream job of yours because you took the time to look and apply. If you don’t find a dream job, look for another in your field. As you go along and apply to those positions, start looking at more general positions that might hire you on the spot. I usually aim to apply for five specific positions for every general position I apply to when I’m first looking. Then as time goes on and I’ve applied to the specific positions, I switch to one specific for every five or so general applications. That way I am always applying to the jobs that most appeal to me while I seek potential employment in the meantime.

Check at your local library and in the newspaper.
There are still several companies and small businesses that do not have job listings posted online, let alone online applications. Going to a library and looking in the newspaper is a great way to see when those companies are hiring.

Filling out applications:

Set a minimum and maximum number of applications to apply to in a given day.
Job searching is a job in itself. It can potentially take hours of work just to finish one application. Make sure you’re filling out applications. But make sure you are taking the time to make them and your resume look good and for you to take breaks. Applying can be mentally and emotionally draining, so be sure to get some fresh air, sleep, food, and relaxation.

Organize the applications.
I usually start off organizing the applications by due dates, then interest, then company/position. It isn’t often that applications have due dates, but I have applied to many. These jobs are usually highly competitive, and even if you don’t think it’s worth the effort because of lack of experience, you should apply. When organizing by interest, I simply go by the job descriptions that are readily available and start with those which seem most aligned with my goals and interests. Once I’ve done that, I go through and look at the companies and what they stand for and what perks are available for employees.

Submitting applications:

Double check everything.
I’ve realized while or shortly after submitting applications before that I’ve made a mistake. This can not only be embarrassing, but it could also cost you a position. When filling out paper applications, I prefer writing everything out in pencil first and then going back through and looking over it all before I fill it out in pen.

Try to make your resume unique to the company and position to which you are applying.
This isn’t always possible, and I’m beyond aware of that. But when you are submitting applications to companies and positions that you are truly interested in, it helps when you have things that stand out to HR.

Write cover letters.
I hate this. I really do. I am awful at writing letters to my friends and family; writing letters to complete strangers and trying to convince them to hire me is even worse. However, this could greatly help when applying, especially to your dream positions. Make the cover letters very specific to the company, and if possible, find the name of the supervisor or manager that would be overseeing the interviews and hiring process. Doing so has gotten me a few interviews that I hadn’t thought I would ever be considered for.

Follow-ups:

Call the companies to which you have applied.
I hate this about as much as cover letters, but when you call a company to ask if your application has been reviewed and/or if interviews have started, it shows initiative. I tend to call anywhere from three to seven days after I’ve submitted everything.

When possible, walk in to ask about your application.
There are many places that do not allow this anymore for security reasons. But if it is allowed, walking in can show initiative as well as put a face and personality to your name.

Interviews:

Arrive early.
Not only can this show that you are prepared and diligent, but it also gives you time to stop and breath before your interview. Taking several deep breaths can calm you. I also tend to bring something relaxing to do or work on while I wait. Usually I take a sketchbook and a book with me and will pull one of those out until I am called for my interview. This helps me to relax and empty my mind a little as well as helping me to act a little more like myself than my panicking brain normally allows in stressful situations.

Come well-prepared.
Show up with a printed copy of your resume, a portfolio (if applicable), questions that you might have about the position and company, ideas for what you could do in the position to improve efficiency or set the company apart, an expected (and usually negotiable) salary, and a smile.

Save questions about things such as sickness policies for after you are hired.
There are many questions that I tend to have about companies’ policies that I want to ask during the interview; however, asking the right questions at the incorrect times can take a wonderful interview and ruin it in seconds. Stop to analyze the interviewer and the situation before you ask the question, and if needed, write it down as a question to ask later.

Be honest.
Yes, embellishing yourself can be good, but don’t overdo it. Tell the truth when you’re asked a question that is meant to analyze your leadership skills or your personal interaction. In my experience, even when the truth seems as though it could harm my potential for being hired, it has always been praised. I’ve even gotten further in some interview processes and even hired after/because of my responses. Obviously those responses weren’t the only things that led to my being chosen, but I have been told that my honesty is something that interviewers have admired.

 

What are some of the things you do that help you remain calm and diligent throughout the process of looking for a job? Let me know down in the comments!

Coping with Anxiety

Goodness knows I let my anxiety overwhelm me on a regular basis. But even with moving into a house, still job searching, meeting so many people, and having so many things to accomplish, I have officially gone a month without a panic attack. That doesn’t mean I haven’t felt super anxious at all in the last month, but it’s still a huge improvement.

Over the last year I’ve been trying to recover from the worst general and social anxiety breakdown I’ve ever had. The panic attack that made me realise just how much I’d lost control was full of sobbing, hyperventilating, and feeling like I was going to die and lasted over an hour and a half. Thankfully I had a network of family and friends that dropped everything to come to my aid (in person and from a distance) over the days, weeks, and months that followed. I never imagined that my anxiety could get so bad, but that’s the thing—mental illnesses and their effects can be incredibly unpredictable. However, with practice and more help than you’ll probably want to ask for, they can be managed.

These are some of my favourite ways to help take control of my anxiety and depression, and I hope that they can help you too.

  • Surround yourself with things that make you happy.
room
This is part of my new room. I’m surrounded by my books, by some of my most prized possessions, and my my favourite colours.

For me this ranges from bright colours being scattered about my room and belongings and buckets worth of tea to books and Disney music. Whatever they are, find the things that make you most happy and make them obvious throughout your daily life. If it’s specific colours, find or make decorations for your room/house/apartment in those colours. If it’s a particular food or beverage, treat yourself. If it’s a show or movie, get posters or fan art to hang up in your room. If it’s music, sing it, dance to it, blare it through your speakers as you drive.

If you openly celebrate the things that make you happy, you’ll tend to feel happier.

  • Do breathing exercises.

There are so many types of breathing exercises and meditation that can help you relax and clear your mind. Many of the ones I know I originally learned because of my heart and lung problems. One of my favourites is breathing in deeply through your nose for five seconds, holding it for six seconds, and exhaling through your nose for eight seconds. Another is tucking your thumb inside your fist, putting it up to your mouth and breathing as if you were blowing up a balloon. You may feel a little ridiculous, but it helps so much.

  • Get plenty of sleep.

This might be really difficult and sometimes requires sleep aids, but getting enough sleep can make the world of a difference in how you respond mentally. When I don’t get enough sleep, I am far more anxious and terrified, and it’s easier for me to feel the overwhelming, numbing sadness. This happened just a couple days ago and when combined with a few other circumstances it caused me to start slipping mentally. I felt awful. It was one of those days where I wished I could slip into non-existence for a while and be consumed by nothingness as well as where I was so scared that I didn’t want to and nearly couldn’t do anything. Part of the reason I felt so bad was because I had gotten less sleep the previous night, and if I had, it would have been able to break out of those negative thoughts.

  • Talk to your friends/family.
message
An silly message with my best friend that made me feel loads better on a day I was struggling.

This may seem like common sense, but for me, it is actually one of the most difficult things to do. My anxiety tends to make me believe that no one would ever want to talk to me or hear from me, that I’m a burden, that I am an annoyance. But lately I’ve made a point of talking to specific people every day. I want people to know that they are cared for, even if I do get annoying. But also, if I talk to them on a regular basis, it’s far more difficult for me to believe that they don’t want to talk to me. I know on occasion they may not want to, but that is rare, and it’s okay. Talking to my friends and family, spreading love, and being open with them has changed my life.

 

  • Go to a counsellor/therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist.

I haven’t been able to do this in a while because of not having a car among other reasons, but whenever I go to my counsellor, even if I’m feeling wonderful that day, I leave feeling ten times better, unburdened, and hopeful. I know this isn’t always the case and I am incredibly blessed to have the counsellor I have, but it can be such a huge help to have someone separate from your everyday life to talk to and to occasionally give you advice (and medication when needed and appropriate).

  • Read inspirational quotes.
mug
A photo from a few days after I bought the mug.

I always feel a little silly and embarrassed when doing this, but it is one of the things that has kept me going throughout the last year. I even make frequent use of a mug that says “Think happy, be happy” on it that I got during my last stay in France. I had been having a difficult time, and it reminded me of a video by Carrie Hope Fletcher about positive thinking. Although I don’t believe that you can truly choose to be happy and then feel that way, I do believe in the power of positive thinking, even if it is fallible. Finding inspirational quotes and writing or printing them out and posting them where you can see them throughout the day can be incredibly encouraging and help you remember how special, important, capable, and loved you are.

  • Find a hobby.
draw
A quick sketch I did about a month ago.

This can seem incredibly overwhelming to some, and that’s okay. But finding something you do on a regular basis for your own enjoyment is such a huge relief and help for controlling anxiety. I tend to go a little overboard and have far too many hobbies, but I am also rather fickle and whatever hobby I do bases entirely on my mood. I could crochet, write, knit, paint, draw, colour, study languages, or make videos. But whatever hobby I choose is an outlet for me to work creatively and freely to escape or express my anxiety and depression, whether other people can tell or not.

  • Write.

Writing out whatever is overwhelming you and then destroying it or finding a way to make it positive is one of the practises I do quite frequently. It can help you vent fear, sadness, anger, disappointment, and everything else in a healthy way while also helping you to either rid yourself of the thoughts or situation or find a way to turn the thoughts or situation to your advantage.

  • For every negative thought or impulse, list five positive things about yourself and/or the situation you’re in.

This self-explanatory one is big for me. I constantly have incredibly overwhelming fears and negative thoughts and occasionally negative impulses. When I list five positive things, I can usually see the unreality of the negative thoughts and fears immediately and cause them to dissipate, even if they don’t go away entirely. But even if the positive things don’t have that effect, you are still finding things to love about yourself, and if you focus on those, then you can not only change your world, but the worlds of those around you.

What are some ways that you manage your anxiety, depression, and other disorders? Let me know in the comments! ❤︎