This summer has been full of dashed hopes and unfulfilled wishes. The dashed hopes are coming from the lack of jobs available and the constant news that I am unqualified for the open positions. The unfulfilled wishes are all over the map, and most of them are in my own hands. So why do they remain unfulfilled?
I constantly wish for rain, so I can go play in it or feel like I’m back in France. But when it rains, I remain inside and continue longing to be somewhere else.
I constantly wish I were writing, but when I begin, I would prefer doing something that takes less thought.
I constantly wish I had more videos, but I don’t want to put in the effort to write, record, or edit any videos.
I constantly wish I had songs of my own to record, but I barely get myself to practice singing or playing an instrument anymore.
I constantly wish I were cooking, but I don’t want to bother with cleaning up afterwards.
I constantly wish I could design menswear, but I don’t want to learn to sew.
I am continually getting in my own way of fulling my dreams. Why do I hold these wishes so tightly but refuse to act upon them? I want to change this awful habit of wishing and dreaming without acting. However, I know if I make promises, I won’t keep them. I’ve never been good at keeping promises to myself. Therefore, I’m starting this as an outlet, to post whatever is on my mind, if I feel like it. I might begin posting on a regular basis, but I might not. I won’t make any promises about it, so that I don’t break any. But this might be a way to start pursuing some of my dreams, even if it is just in a small, insignificant way.